I was recently reminded during a conversation with a colleague that I have the uncanny gift of connection. The colleague continued to detail how they observed my talent for building relationships and gave me the moniker of, “ the connector!” I would agree as it is not the first time I have heard that both in my professional life and personal. This description is what led me to create my business and aptly named myself a Relationship Strategist. The conversation prompted me to evaluate my relationships and how I go about connecting others and myself as I travel on this journey.
In a world increasingly driven by transactions—where every interaction seems to have a price tag or an agenda—authentic relationships can often feel like a rarity. Whether it’s in business, social circles, or even personal connections, distinguishing between genuine bonds and those motivated by self-interest can be a delicate task. This challenge becomes even more complex when you’re in a position to offer something others desire, whether it’s resources, influence, or opportunity. The line between building authentic relationships and participating in transactional ones can blur, leaving you questioning the true nature of the connections around you.
The Allure and Pitfalls of Organic Relationships
When we talk about relationships that form “organically,” it’s a phrase often tossed around with a sense of idealism. The concept suggests that connections should develop naturally, free from agendas, expectations, or manipulation. In theory, this would lead to the purest forms of trust and mutual respect. People appreciate relationships that feel effortless, where both parties are invested not because of what they can gain, but because they genuinely value each other’s presence and contribution.
However, the reality is more complicated. Many of us, in our pursuit of genuine connections, may unintentionally overemphasize the importance of organic development. There’s a pressure to make every relationship appear spontaneous, to avoid any hint of calculation. But this pursuit of “authenticity” can sometimes cloud our judgment. We may overplay the idea of organic growth, forcing connections to feel natural when they’re actually quite contrived. Ironically, in trying too hard to cultivate something real, we can inadvertently create an environment where expectations and transactions are silently at play.
The Fine Line Between Authenticity and Transactionality
For those in positions of power or influence, distinguishing between authenticity and transactionality becomes even more difficult. As a leader, mentor, or person of influence, you may find that some people are drawn to you not because of a true, unselfish connection, but because of what you represent. This could be access to resources, a potential opportunity, or the promise of something they want. The temptation to see every new relationship through the lens of “what’s in it for them” can be overwhelming. And sometimes, even the most well-meaning individuals can cross the line between genuine connection and transactional interaction without even realizing it.
I’ve personally navigated this delicate terrain throughout my career, particularly in environments that heavily rely on relationship building. In my early days, I was quick to believe that any bond formed was genuine, only to later realize that my role or position was the primary attraction for many of those who reached out. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that many of the connections I once thought were based on mutual respect and shared goals were, in fact, a means to an end. My professional position, at the time, was often the true objective behind the relationship. There was no greater example of this, than most recently, I reached out to an associate on behalf of one my clients to inquire if they would be willing to engage my client with introductions at an event, only for my associate to ask in no certain terms how this engagement would benefit them. Now keep in mind this is someone who I had helped in the past with no thought of reciprocity. While this situation was certainly disappointing, it was not surprising as people are more transactional than authentic.
While working on an event for an intimate number of political leaders, one of the leaders present stated that while building relationships – it is more important to be genuine, the ability to win people over can be more attainable by just being honest and remembering if one succeeds we all can succeed. That insight is how I see the business of relationship strategy and will continue to operate moving forward. It is more important to me to build something that I can be proud of and build a reputation of integrity and fairness.
Learning to Assess Intentions
Building authentic relationships requires a certain level of emotional intelligence and discernment. I’ve learned the hard way that it’s essential to assess the motivations of others—not to be cynical, but to ensure that the connections I cultivate are built on something genuine. Some relationships will inevitably have a transactional element; that’s simply the nature of human interaction in a world that thrives on exchange. The key, however, is to recognize when that transaction becomes the sole driving force, and when it starts to erode the integrity of the relationship.
It’s also important to acknowledge that not every connection needs to be perfectly “authentic” in the way we idealize. Some relationships are meant to serve a specific purpose, and that’s okay. The problem arises when we allow transactional relationships to masquerade as authentic ones, or when we are blind to the fact that someone may be using us to advance their own interests without offering anything in return. In a world where personal agendas often trump selflessness, it is crucial to remain grounded in your own values and to be honest with yourself about the nature of your connections. I often say, “ I stand on business and this can be isolating, but I believe integrity is important.”
The Fickleness of Relationships
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that relationships can be fickle. People change, priorities shift, and circumstances evolve. What once seemed like an unshakeable bond can suddenly dissolve when the transactional benefits no longer exist. I've seen it firsthand—people who were once eager to build relationships for the sake of shared goals or mutual benefit, only to disappear once the “transaction” was complete. Working in the entertainment field and political arena has given me a specific insight into how people foster connections and how they navigate those relationships. In my journey through the entertainment field, when the artist or individual in the business is on top- they love you and are willing to create space for you for various request, but when you do not continue to add value, you can find yourself shut out. Luckily, I had experience working with one of the best artist in the business and her then reputation and now her enduring legacy has continued to yield positive and productive relationships. The political environment has been not so much the same. I have built a solid network through not only my time in the music business, but also my time in the world of politics. The political connections have been interesting and definitely have appeared at times more transactional.
In the end, I still believe in building authentic relationships and recognizing there is value in the transactional ones, but am cognizant that integrity and just being a sincere connection always wins. When only focusing on the transactional relationships, it is important to remember that this approach can be short sighted and the long game is what matters.
Comentarios